I do like it, and you can tell me to go fuck myself, but I think someone in a battle sequence has to be in very real danger of dying and we need to feel that fear. Even if it's just the multi-insect horse creature.
Then ramp up that tension. I love the world, care about the characters. The reader is still in a brand new world. Even if the characters are physically comfortable with each other, part of the ride for the reader is the discomfort of the unknown.
One last comment/observation for the night. In The Memory, Sorrow and Thorn trilogy, there is a swamp dwelling character named Tiamak. He's on a mission,traversing an area he knows very well, but he notices some things that are amiss. He's brilliant, but he realizes his physical limitations and what could have been " dude paddles across a swamp" becomes this taut mini adventure with the introduction of a new scary creature before we even get to the heart of the mission he's embarking on.
I love Osten Ard so much. Tad wrapped me into that world hard. After I got sober, when I couldn't sleep and knew I couldnt do anything to alter that, I'd reread where Aditu leads Simon deep into the Aldheorte with the aid of that mnemonic song.
It's one of the books/series I haven't read since I was a kid and I've been meaning to revisit as an adult. I'll have to bump it up my list. I would skip school to go to the library and that’s where I read it haha
This might have been my favorite chapter. Really great payoff to the tension you set up in the first. And I love the Ddun/Lauren dynamic. It feels authentic and earned from both sides. Lovely work.
I do like it, and you can tell me to go fuck myself, but I think someone in a battle sequence has to be in very real danger of dying and we need to feel that fear. Even if it's just the multi-insect horse creature.
I am more than ok with your feedback, so don't worry! I appreciate it, even!
Then ramp up that tension. I love the world, care about the characters. The reader is still in a brand new world. Even if the characters are physically comfortable with each other, part of the ride for the reader is the discomfort of the unknown.
One last comment/observation for the night. In The Memory, Sorrow and Thorn trilogy, there is a swamp dwelling character named Tiamak. He's on a mission,traversing an area he knows very well, but he notices some things that are amiss. He's brilliant, but he realizes his physical limitations and what could have been " dude paddles across a swamp" becomes this taut mini adventure with the introduction of a new scary creature before we even get to the heart of the mission he's embarking on.
One of the first fantasy series I ever read! Good call.
I love Osten Ard so much. Tad wrapped me into that world hard. After I got sober, when I couldn't sleep and knew I couldnt do anything to alter that, I'd reread where Aditu leads Simon deep into the Aldheorte with the aid of that mnemonic song.
It's one of the books/series I haven't read since I was a kid and I've been meaning to revisit as an adult. I'll have to bump it up my list. I would skip school to go to the library and that’s where I read it haha
Well that was freakin badass!
This might have been my favorite chapter. Really great payoff to the tension you set up in the first. And I love the Ddun/Lauren dynamic. It feels authentic and earned from both sides. Lovely work.
Thank you so much!