Ugh, felt this so much RE the business and the covid. I was in lockdown with a 3 month old and a 2 year old and I ended the year on meds. Would like to never have to live through that again. You're not missing anything here while you focus on your health. Everything will be where you left it. If the great reader rush happens in your absence though, I will let you know asap.
I think you might relate a lot as it was a sewing related business. I still haven’t touched my sewing machine since. I do other crafts, knitting and crochet but I just can't bring myself to sew yet. Actually I think I made pot holders during covid haha. But that's about it.
I can barely crochet, knit or sew these days. It just doesn't bring me any joy any more.
I think when you start a small business, you give so much of yourself that it's hard to just get over it. It wasn't like leaving some job you had where you worked for a faceless organisation or a local pub. It was a part of you and you needed it to succeed.
I'm still crippled by it. Being an indie author is kind of similar especially when you have to do the marketing etc, but this feels a bit safer, somehow. But then, once you've hit rock bottom, anything is better 🤣
thank you SO MUCH for writing this, i'm not all the way through it but it's a ragged breath of fresh air (with a deep melancholy sigh at the end)
my nonverbal son is OCD and it is so goddamn hard for him to function sometimes. I have my own OCD tendencies from ASD so I understand the construct but I don't *suffer* the way you and him do.
I posted a video this morning in notes about his language development. OCD effects so much more than our mental healthcare system understands.
I love going to the Dr about something legitimate and they say "now I know you have OCD so how serious are your symptoms *really*" like bitch I might be nuts but I'm not stupid. Love the medical gaslighting.
“excuse me? I am the one with OCD, you think I didn't stress about wheyher this was “bad enough” for <x days> already? why are you wasting our time? should I make sure you reviewed my chart before every appointment?”
So much of this was familiar to me. I don’t have OCD but I definitely have some tendencies towards what you describe and struggle a lot with intrusive thoughts and severe anxiety, likely from the CPTSD/ADHD/whatever else is wrong with me (a lot).
It also shapes what I write, along with my trauma. I often write my trauma into my characters and then either give them a miraculous happy ending and resolution to their problems, the thing I desperately pray for, or I don’t, and it’s more realistic but possibly not uplifting.
IME there’s a healing in writing; not a “congrats, you’re cured!” but a mitigation. Whether it’s fiction or not, writing about my crap or writing it into characters and forcing them to grapple with it can smooth out some of my own jagged edges, make me less likely to cut myself or others.
Anyway, thanks for writing this. It was something I needed to read right now. And I’m glad to see you’re back (though I admit I didn’t really notice your absence because I, too, was very absent from this app for several months, so I wasn’t around enough to know if someone else was or not).
Writing can be very good therapy. And it's free! Haha. But, our poor characters! I also journal, even if it's just listing the things giving me anxiety that day.
Glad you got something out of this. And yes, watch The Aviator, it's very good.
We're all a little cracked in our own ways, aren't we? All have our own manias to carry, no matter how well we may or may not hide them.
I don't have anything resembling the hard reality of OCD in my life, but I still know how much of an insult it feels like to have people grin and giggle and act like the issues we or our kin face are fun little quirks or "superpowers" just waiting to be aimed at the right thing. It's autism, in my family's case. Something I've long suspected I have to a degree, (same with bipolar disorder) but I've never bothered to get it diagnosed; personally don't see throwing heaps of money at a shrink to verify a suspicion that doesn't have a profound negative impact on my life as worthwhile.
I've experienced and recognized how people with autism struggle. It hits close to home for me. I've got a good friend who carries that burden that put in years of difficult work to get himself to a point of being functional. (Thankfully my friend Heavy and his brother lived next door to him and were able to give him the structure his mom didn't recognize he needed.) The real close hit is my nephew, though. He's a great kid, loving, funny, full of energy, and likely to grow up strong if his boyhood is any indicator. (He's seven now.) Sweet kid much of the time, but I see how he and his family struggle with his autism. It manifests in him through rapid mood swings and the symptom people often recognize but poorly understand, a difficulty understanding social cues. I've seen him break down in tears at family gatherings when he'd make a witty remark that we laughed at, simply because he didn't understand the laughter was for the wit he showed. In his mind we were laughing at him and must've thought he was stupid. It took his dad and I a while to help him understand why we were laughing, and why what he said was both smart and funny.
This is all a long winded way of saying that for one, I have some understanding of how colossal a burden these mental illnesses can sometimes be; and that the frustrations with the "tee-hee I'm so OCD" resonate with me in a big way.
"You've activated my tism!" "Autism is my superpower!" I know people who say things like this don't necessarily mean anything by it, and yes I can (and do) distinguish between jokes/banter and people claiming for clout but man if those clout chasers don't get me hot with anger.
I don't know if I really had a point with all of this other than to commiserate a little and say I appreciate you giving us this illuminating look at how real and heavy this burden is for you. I hope this wave finally passes, and soon.
I suspect i might be somewhere on the spectrum, too, it's in my family (both diagnosed and not) and things like adhd/ocd/etc all tend to overlap with it, so... who knows, I can’t get tested as an adult in my town I'd have to fly out. My kids both show different signs, too, so I accommodate things as best I can and see if it's just quirks (we don't want to pathologise everything) or what. But yeah most people don’t mean anything rude or demeaning when they say "I'm so ocd/triggered my tism" but, still. I'm not here to police speech, and shit i say "that's retarded" etc all the time so I'd be a hypocrite if I did, so, I just ignore it. It bothers me if it's someone clearly trying to fake mental illness which is rampant on social media.
a very good friend of mine has OCD and seeing her go through treatment and fight that fucker has been so intense. I appreciate your willingness to share. I wish you peace and recovery!
2020, 2021, and 2022 (I think?) really sucked for me, though mostly not for reasons related to Covid. Undiagnosed epilepsy got worse to the point where I might have fried my brain a bit, then I got on meds which controlled my seizures but also caused (additional) memory loss and emotional instability. Of course I didn't know the side effects at the time, or that epilepsy can cause psychological problems. I just thought I was going insane. It helps to be able to put a name to it other than "I guess I'm just a bad person now who can't remember anything and can't do anything right."
Yes, getting the diagnosis helped in that way. Wondering "what's wrong with me" was really hard. Brains are funny things. But sometimes not "haha" funny.
Ugh, felt this so much RE the business and the covid. I was in lockdown with a 3 month old and a 2 year old and I ended the year on meds. Would like to never have to live through that again. You're not missing anything here while you focus on your health. Everything will be where you left it. If the great reader rush happens in your absence though, I will let you know asap.
I think you might relate a lot as it was a sewing related business. I still haven’t touched my sewing machine since. I do other crafts, knitting and crochet but I just can't bring myself to sew yet. Actually I think I made pot holders during covid haha. But that's about it.
And yeah, please alert me if I'm missing out LOL
I can barely crochet, knit or sew these days. It just doesn't bring me any joy any more.
I think when you start a small business, you give so much of yourself that it's hard to just get over it. It wasn't like leaving some job you had where you worked for a faceless organisation or a local pub. It was a part of you and you needed it to succeed.
I'm still crippled by it. Being an indie author is kind of similar especially when you have to do the marketing etc, but this feels a bit safer, somehow. But then, once you've hit rock bottom, anything is better 🤣
thank you SO MUCH for writing this, i'm not all the way through it but it's a ragged breath of fresh air (with a deep melancholy sigh at the end)
my nonverbal son is OCD and it is so goddamn hard for him to function sometimes. I have my own OCD tendencies from ASD so I understand the construct but I don't *suffer* the way you and him do.
I posted a video this morning in notes about his language development. OCD effects so much more than our mental healthcare system understands.
I love going to the Dr about something legitimate and they say "now I know you have OCD so how serious are your symptoms *really*" like bitch I might be nuts but I'm not stupid. Love the medical gaslighting.
oh fuck that.
“excuse me? I am the one with OCD, you think I didn't stress about wheyher this was “bad enough” for <x days> already? why are you wasting our time? should I make sure you reviewed my chart before every appointment?”
post COVID doctors make me crazy.
so on point. thanks so much for this & godspeed. +1
So much of this was familiar to me. I don’t have OCD but I definitely have some tendencies towards what you describe and struggle a lot with intrusive thoughts and severe anxiety, likely from the CPTSD/ADHD/whatever else is wrong with me (a lot).
It also shapes what I write, along with my trauma. I often write my trauma into my characters and then either give them a miraculous happy ending and resolution to their problems, the thing I desperately pray for, or I don’t, and it’s more realistic but possibly not uplifting.
IME there’s a healing in writing; not a “congrats, you’re cured!” but a mitigation. Whether it’s fiction or not, writing about my crap or writing it into characters and forcing them to grapple with it can smooth out some of my own jagged edges, make me less likely to cut myself or others.
Anyway, thanks for writing this. It was something I needed to read right now. And I’m glad to see you’re back (though I admit I didn’t really notice your absence because I, too, was very absent from this app for several months, so I wasn’t around enough to know if someone else was or not).
Also adding The Aviator to my to-be-watched list.
Writing can be very good therapy. And it's free! Haha. But, our poor characters! I also journal, even if it's just listing the things giving me anxiety that day.
Glad you got something out of this. And yes, watch The Aviator, it's very good.
We're all a little cracked in our own ways, aren't we? All have our own manias to carry, no matter how well we may or may not hide them.
I don't have anything resembling the hard reality of OCD in my life, but I still know how much of an insult it feels like to have people grin and giggle and act like the issues we or our kin face are fun little quirks or "superpowers" just waiting to be aimed at the right thing. It's autism, in my family's case. Something I've long suspected I have to a degree, (same with bipolar disorder) but I've never bothered to get it diagnosed; personally don't see throwing heaps of money at a shrink to verify a suspicion that doesn't have a profound negative impact on my life as worthwhile.
I've experienced and recognized how people with autism struggle. It hits close to home for me. I've got a good friend who carries that burden that put in years of difficult work to get himself to a point of being functional. (Thankfully my friend Heavy and his brother lived next door to him and were able to give him the structure his mom didn't recognize he needed.) The real close hit is my nephew, though. He's a great kid, loving, funny, full of energy, and likely to grow up strong if his boyhood is any indicator. (He's seven now.) Sweet kid much of the time, but I see how he and his family struggle with his autism. It manifests in him through rapid mood swings and the symptom people often recognize but poorly understand, a difficulty understanding social cues. I've seen him break down in tears at family gatherings when he'd make a witty remark that we laughed at, simply because he didn't understand the laughter was for the wit he showed. In his mind we were laughing at him and must've thought he was stupid. It took his dad and I a while to help him understand why we were laughing, and why what he said was both smart and funny.
This is all a long winded way of saying that for one, I have some understanding of how colossal a burden these mental illnesses can sometimes be; and that the frustrations with the "tee-hee I'm so OCD" resonate with me in a big way.
"You've activated my tism!" "Autism is my superpower!" I know people who say things like this don't necessarily mean anything by it, and yes I can (and do) distinguish between jokes/banter and people claiming for clout but man if those clout chasers don't get me hot with anger.
I don't know if I really had a point with all of this other than to commiserate a little and say I appreciate you giving us this illuminating look at how real and heavy this burden is for you. I hope this wave finally passes, and soon.
I suspect i might be somewhere on the spectrum, too, it's in my family (both diagnosed and not) and things like adhd/ocd/etc all tend to overlap with it, so... who knows, I can’t get tested as an adult in my town I'd have to fly out. My kids both show different signs, too, so I accommodate things as best I can and see if it's just quirks (we don't want to pathologise everything) or what. But yeah most people don’t mean anything rude or demeaning when they say "I'm so ocd/triggered my tism" but, still. I'm not here to police speech, and shit i say "that's retarded" etc all the time so I'd be a hypocrite if I did, so, I just ignore it. It bothers me if it's someone clearly trying to fake mental illness which is rampant on social media.
a very good friend of mine has OCD and seeing her go through treatment and fight that fucker has been so intense. I appreciate your willingness to share. I wish you peace and recovery!
Thank you. And continue being supportive of your friend, it can be so hard feeling alone.
2020, 2021, and 2022 (I think?) really sucked for me, though mostly not for reasons related to Covid. Undiagnosed epilepsy got worse to the point where I might have fried my brain a bit, then I got on meds which controlled my seizures but also caused (additional) memory loss and emotional instability. Of course I didn't know the side effects at the time, or that epilepsy can cause psychological problems. I just thought I was going insane. It helps to be able to put a name to it other than "I guess I'm just a bad person now who can't remember anything and can't do anything right."
Yes, getting the diagnosis helped in that way. Wondering "what's wrong with me" was really hard. Brains are funny things. But sometimes not "haha" funny.
All good Lisa!
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